be happy again,

go back to the timess where i used to smile all the time

and laugh,

even though i used to have really low self-esteem.

and i hate being in love,with someone whos not.

like cutting myself,

big time.

again.

wow o_o

my fucking gosh.

i hate my mom.

STOP WATCHING THAT SHOW.IM NOT SWITCHING YOU OUT ANYMORE.

YOUR NOT GONNA GRADUATE,SHUT THE FUCK UP.

IM NOT ARGUING WITH YOUU IM JUST TELLING YOU,

YOU SHOULD GET A JOB.

START EATING MORE.

YOUR TOO SKINNY.

BITCH FUCK YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.

alot of shit has happened.

Hahahahhaaaa,

this is fucking stupid.

IF I WAS MY FUCKING SISTER.

ID BEAT THE SHIT OF MY PARENTS NO LIE. i dont care.

get a plane ticket & get OUT this state.

& yeah my moms like noone thinks your  attractive.

dumb bitch i hate youu SO so much. if you’d know.

Lol her comment.”your ugly”.”braces” . not a good body or face.ugly nose.acne.etc.

& what bitch?

atleast people are rly generous and sweet to me & they accept me the way i am.

& everyone always calls me pretty *:

so like 2 days when i told jimmy i’d give him a note explaining everything i didn’t go on myspace and msg him instead i handwrote a note :/

& i didn’t see him at all yesterday wtf….

sooo todayy i saw himm again standing out my 5th hour… im not sure if for me or for charlene.

so yeah charlenes like give him the note & i did i kinda fucking like regret it tohugh.& i feel like crying now “/

& then he left & i saw him in 7th hour…… he gave me a note back & he’s like don’t read it now that’d be awkward so im like k whatever & then he told me to stay afterschool with him & then he’s like go to the gsac. (gay straight alliance club) i didnt know what it was after i told my mom that im staying afterschool so yeahh… i felt EXTREMELY awkward.

i really think i have sort of depression like on some days. that wont change.

it’s not fair.

yesterday:went to some health fair during aerobics.

4th preiod: i fforgott.

5th: watched mystery diagnosis.

6: went home early right before taking a test.x)

Yayyy.

not rlyy :/

first period : We read  a wierd story & then had a writing prompt on soda machines.persuasive writing ew.

3rd period : i FUCKING KNEW IT.sifgnaognofg. my ap human geo teacher was all like the scantrons were messed up and everyone has 2 choices,retake the test or just not take it and get a 70% and i’m like wtf i got like 48/50 which is a 95 x) so yeahhhh.

5th period : we did this worksheet and my friend was telling me about some guy giving her a hickey lmfaooo. x) & before i walked into my 5th period , i saw jimmy waiting i guess for me? & i’m like we need to talk and he’s like Yeah We DO.:/

lunchhhh <33333333 i saw saull <333323289372894 & i was with krystal and shittt. & jamal. & we walked into the freshman building yuhh yuhhh.

& thennnnn we were like bored as hell so we played spin the bottle and cherece & alex & paul etc people appeared.

Paul licked my whole fucking handd, and he kissed my cheek.everyone was likeee oh youh and krystal should do some funn shittt or you should kiss saul or Paul. 

siodfjsoadfijsafd.

and yeahhh saul & jamal tried to make me skip lmfaoo. 

7th period : test. i was actually the last one to finish.jimmy came up to me like 3 times and he’s likeokayy.and i’m like hold on.he’s like what did you need to tell me.saul?

im like what the fuck no i dont really like him anymore.

& i was like charlene told me a shittloadd of stuff, and he’s like yeah i know. & then he’s like i feel really awkward,and i’m like you want me to write a note i guess? & he’s like yeahhh.but i didnt’ finish so he wanted me to send him and go on mysdppac.eeee

givesmehope:

A few weeks ago, a senior at my school was hit by a car while walking home with a few of his friends. It turns out that, at the last second, he pushed his friends out of the way. In that accident, he was killed. Nobody else was hurt, thanks to him. People like him GMH. RIP Travis

blogsecret:

I have had it for three years, and besides the physical problems from it (I use an oxygen tube, I can’t really do exercise, I don’t have that much hair) I don’t feel like I have it. But when I’m really happy, or laughing at some joke, sometimes a random thought reminding me I am sick, and the doctors don’t know whether I’ll live past this year, two years, three years, or however long it’ll take me to die, pops up in my brain, and I get depressed.
I have no one to talk to, because although my family is amazing, and so so supportive of me, they don’t get it. No one gets it. I’ve talked to other cancer patients but although they go through what I do, they have no way of getting inside your mind. It just sucks. I can’t connect with regular people my age, either, because the worst thing in their world is breaking up with their boy/girlfriend, or failing a class, or being grounded. Those things are so TRIVIAL. They don’t MATTER.
And yet they do matter, they are things that help you live life, but I can’t live life happily. I don’t even live unhappily. I live on the computer, my “friends” live on my Skype list, I don’t communicate with the outside world much. I have thought about suicide but I would never do it, because I *am* thankful for my life, and sicker people that are dying would be disgusted to hear that I am wasting my health. Yeah, I’m calling myself healthy when I am not.
And my dad was a pastor at one point, but he is no longer one because that pays shit money. So my parents are religious, they do live really God-following lives, but none of my siblings do. And I love God, I don’t believe that He makes me sick, but when people ask my WHY I believe that, or WHY He doesn’t just cure me, I don’t have an answer. And if I think about it for too long, I start to lose faith. And I haven’t prayed for so long.
I don’t have anyone to talk to, I can’t even talk to anyone on the BlogSecret call list, because they wouldn’t know what to say. I’m feeling so lost. and helpless. And I really don’t know what to do.
Shit, now I’m crying and I can’t even make my thoughts out in words.

wow that’s so sad.

i’m extremely sorry to whoever posted this and i really hope and pray for you to get better (:

today 1st period:we were watching the tupac movie.wow that’s really sad.the man’s whole life i feel really bad for him,he like died wheni was like a year old.atleast people still look up to him and all.(: then we did our glides project omgsh i can’t stand THIS WIERD WIERD WIERD ASS kid in my group oh my fucking goshh.

& did i mention my friend brian got out of his 10 day suspension i missed himm hahah <3

& so like me,jess,him & other people were like talkingg.

then 3rd period: same thing.like always boring boring boring boring.i thought the test was today.but it’s on thursdayyyy,yay i get out like at 11 that day,i’m gonna hang out and tell my mom i’m stayng afterschool so i’m like free for 7 hourssss. : D :D 

5th period : also shit class. we did this worksheet,that class is rly depressing it gets me in a bad ass mood.so yeah and then she got my infooo for my science fair projectt.

lunchhhhhhhhhhhhh :D

krystal wasnt there again.saul & jamal were with me lmaooo.and then we went to the “circle” wow i can’t STAND A MINUTE BEING THERE i wish i would have a lunch so i could be with my sophhhh friends. (: so yeah me & alex & cherece & saul etc were walking and talkinggg and then brian and his friends joined.and like afterwards i ditched them and went with “red” to walk.wow it’s so obvious he liikes me.saul told me.other people told me,he basically told me himself.